I wanted to love State of Emergency, I REALLY DID. Everything I saw at E3 lead me to believe that this would be the game that was made specifically for me personally. And yet here I am, almost a year later, a sad, sad jew. No amount of pepper spraying cringing women can change my mind now. I spent most of last night trying to force myself to love it. I was willing to look past the fact that CAPTAIN PHAT-PANTS was REPRESENTING on the box art, secure in my memories of yesteryear that this game would be so much fucking fun it wouldn’t matter if Eminem was the main character(to those keeping track: I HATE YOU HIP-HOPPING, DROOPY-PANTS WEARING, TUPAC-IS-STILL-ALIVING, FORGETTING ABOUT DRE’ING BEATERS).
I felt like a desperate man trying to pretend a crack whore is Betty Page, but despite the leather corset I put her in I just can’t get around the fact that her hair is falling out, she’s missing most of her teeth and she’s shaking a cheeseburger at me. THAT’S how badly I wanted to love this game. EB is having a deal where if you trade in GTA3 you can get this game for $15 or something… DON’T DO IT.