Penny Arcade

Gabriel briefly discussed the Buddy System on Monday, and the rules for this system are uncomplicated.  There are but three tenets:

and

As we can see, these rules are not rocket science.  They aren’t even the science that governs Gogurt.  They aren’t any kind of science whatsoever.  But they are apparently very difficult to grasp for some people, by which I mean Porkfry, my erstwhile E3 buddy who is known in the the north as Pork-Fry Eyebane.  He was dissatisfied with my E3 buddy performance as well, because I would spend as many as thirty minutes listening to people talk about the Pokemon version of Monopoly or a new RTS based on the Oh Boy, Oberto Beef Jerky License.  So, I suppose all’s fair.  In my defense, much of the shit we looked at was - in almost every respect - off the hizzy.

Take Crimson Skies, for instance.  Still a few months away, but already a product with indelible visual style and a feast of multiplayer options.  The combat looks like some fancy airshow even with neophytes at the yoke, because like a fighting game (for example) dashing maneuvers are triggered by very basic positions of the analog stick.  What’s not invigorating about that?

And what about the special Bethesda meeting?  Who treated Porkfry right, then?  We saw the visually gripping Sea Dogs 2, by which I mean Pirates of the Caribbean.  While it does have a movie license, the events of the film don’t seem to the the focus of the game - if anything, it mainly just amounts to a piratey context for the proceedings to occur.  And occur they do, I don’t know if there’s a screenshot out there that shows the moon on the water but you should try to find one right away, it was like an aphrodisiac and I did things in that booth to grown men that I’m not proud of.   

We also saw the Bloodmoon expansion, which you can see an ad for to your right probably, so I don’t know how I should cover that.  Let’s just say it was Game of Show. 

The one game Porkfry and I had a meeting of the minds on was in that very booth, actually - Call Of Cthulhu:  Dark Corners Of The Earth.  I basically freak out anytime the Mythos is mentioned, you will note that I have used it as a proper noun, which implies that it is simply better than other nouns.  If people like this first one, they have plans to follow the lineage of the main character Jack Walters in subsequent games across multiple platforms - but I guess I’m getting ahead of myself.  I do feel a bit of regret for how I behaved during the demonstration, as more legitimate journalists like my friend John Keefer were trying to write actual articles that contain actual data and I was asking questions roughly every five seconds about nothing.  I couldn’t help it.  Why do the cult members holed up during a standoff with police seem to recognize the main character?  After this encounter, released from the asylum after an undetermined period, protagonist Jack Walters begins his life as an investigator of the paranormal, but dark priests and mobsters with a trace of demon heritage are making that more difficult than it could be. 

Read John’s article for many interesting details, but what I liked most was that they have tried to reinforce that you as a character are a part of the proceedings - when you open things, close things, pick things up, they don’t just disappear and magically reform in your inventory.  Your hand reaches out and bolts a door against intruders, let’s say, or actually grips the railing on a pitching boat at sea while you try to keep from being thrown overboard.  The insanity effects - when you glimpse an unnatural creature or perhaps look down from a great height - were tasteful, and not overdone as I might have feared.  They are there to add context and did not obscure gameplay. 

I have lots more to say today about lots more stuff.  Stick around.

(CW)TB out.

we need the codes

Three quick Penny Arcade related items.

1. We have a special treat for Club PA members this month. A good friend of ours who is an artist at a video game company you know and love has agreed to do a PA picture for us to give out this month. If you are interested in seeing his take on Gabe and Tycho there is still plenty of time left for you to join Club PA.

2. Voting is almost over for the people’s voice Webby awards. Don’t let any of those other sons of bitches make a last minute push and beat us!

3. The store is on its way. As I said before, please try not to break this one in the first ten minutes.

-Gabe out

Necrowombicon 2k3 in Vancouver (Burnaby) BC Canada
“This year we have POWER!”

We went to this last year and it was awesome. This year looks like it will be even better.

-Gabe out

The Thickets are going to play at our thing?

(CW)TB

Paul Byrnes is a liar.

So this guy writes a review of Lost Kingdoms 2 for Gamers.com that is not just incorrect, it is fucking criminal. Let’s take a look at it together.

Imagine Pokemon with a voluptuous sorceress instead of a spunky kid and horrific monsters replacing the cutesy furballs, and you’d have Lost Kingdoms II.

Imagine Pokemon, except take away everything that makes it Pokemon and replace it with a deep and engaging real time card battle game with RPG elements set in a fantastic world.

Light on story (even for a 10-hour game),

I am six hours into the game and I have only 52 of the more than 250 available cards. Levels have multiple paths that are available only once you have acquired certain cards. For example I was able to go back to the very first level recently with my new Hell Hound card. This card transforms you into a beast capable of tearing the shit out of monsters and jumping long distances. I used this ability to access a new part of the level which in turn opened up a whole new level on the world map. I tried going to this level right away but the monsters are super high level and I am simply not ready to do battle there yet. I seriously doubt that Paul went back through every level and tried each path to see if it would open new levels. It sounds like he decided early on that the game sucked and he blew through it as fast as he could.

LK2 instead emphasizes card collecting and tactical monster battles—which would be cool, if only those elements were robust enough to make the experience worthwhile.

Not Robust enough?

Cards fall into one of six categories, water, wood, fire, earth, mechanical and neutral. Water cards are best against fire and so on. Before each level the map screen will tell you the sorts of monsters you will fight in that level. It might say 80% water 10% fire 10% wood for example. This allows you to customize your deck accordingly. Each card also has a rating that determines it “difficulty” to play. As you play cards of a given alignment your “skill” with that alignment increases. If you try and play a five star water card for example when your water skill is only two stars you will find that it drains your magic power much faster. Cards are also divided into weapons, independent creatures, transformations, helpers and summons. A weapon card might be a lizard man who attacks with a large sword instantly when the card is played. An independent creature is a card that is tossed out and then a monster comes out of it and moves around on its own attacking enemies without your input. Summons are cards that call down giant monsters for one super attack. Helpers are cards that can do all sorts of things like healing you, placing discarded cards back into your hand or affecting the relationships of monsters on the field such as halving the power of one element while doubling that of another.

Cards can also be powered up. This means that the card will do double the damage it normally does but it will require twice as many magic points to play. Certain cards can also be combined to form combos. If the correct combination of cards is drawn they will be highlighted and the playing of any card in that group will trigger the entire combo.

I could go on and on about the intricacies of the card battle system but the fact of the matter is Paul is full of shit. Saying that the collecting and battle elements aren’t robust is a fucking lie. He either didn’t understand the full depth of the game or he didn’t care enough to invest any time in it. 

Amassing cards is relatively simple, but the game inexplicably encourages you to assemble them into themed decks

What? The game gives you the OPTION of creating multiple decks because as I stated before certain levels will require you to bring different cards. The ability to construct and name multiple decks is not “inexplicable,” it’s fucking obvious. 

—even though the enemy assortment in most areas demands a deck more like a Swiss Army Knife than a lightsaber.

The careful construction of your deck depending on the level your going to play is one of the biggest elements of strategy in the game. You need to carefully consider each of your 30 cards and how it will be used in a given level.

(You can test your decks in the vanilla Versus mode.) The combat is so-so; it’s tense and action-packed,

Huh? The combat is so-so AND it is tense and action packed? Do you understand that it can’t be both?

but unforgiving summoning and attack systems drain most of the fun. Your magic points run out far too quickly, and unreliable hit detection wastes your precious cards.

More lies from Paul. Summoning is not unforgiving. You push a button and the monster is summoned. It never doesn’t get summoned. It happens every fucking time. There is no trick to it that would lead to the occasional screw up resulting in the failure of the summon and the impression that the system is “unforgiving.” YOU PUSH ONE GODDAMNED BUTTON! As for the magic points, I think Paul might be an idiot. Here is a tip buddy. Every time you hit a monster gems come out. THOSE ARE MAGIC POINTS YOU DIPSHIT! Pick them the fuck up and watch your magic bar fill right back up. Not only that but if you run out of magic points you can still cast cards. The magic points required to play the card are simply taken from your health rather than your magic bar.

Unreliable hit detection? Each card has a very specific attack. It is important that you learn what these attacks are and that you get yourself in the right position before playing them so that their attack will be effective. This is not unreliable, this is tactical.

Despite a promising concept, LK2’s flawed gameplay fails to entertain.

LIE! LK 2’s game play delivers on every level. It is a tactial card based battle game with some basic RPG elements. If this sounds like something you might like then you will not be disappointed. If you are like Paul and you hate kittens and videogames then this might not be the game for you.

Ask Tycho he saw it!

-Gabe out

Apparently Gamespy slammed LK2 in its review as well. Tycho will you please explain to me what is going on?

-Gabe out

You know how when we killed Jesus, he asked God to forgive us because we just didn’t know any better?  You need to show that brand of divine benevolence to these animals who mar gaming with their ignorance, with their sloth, and with their ineptitude.

So, they gave a game most people won’t play a bad score.  Why is that?  Well, you need to understand that “genres” are like deep grooves worn into a solid oak bar.  Think of Publishers as barmen, sliding beverage after beverage along those known channels, and the press are like the pretty maids that wait ready to receive them.  These sweet things are batting their eyes at the barmen constantly - understand, that’s how they got the job in the first place - and they’re ready to ferry the drinks out to you and me, just so long as they arrive along the expected trajectories. 

But sometimes something comes out that, gol durnit, just don’t run right on the tracks.  Maybe it slides right between two channels, maybe it’s not even on what you might call the bar, per se.  There’s no-one there to catch it, it just hits the lip and flings into the void.  And none of them care, because, why should they?  They have plenty to do already with just the games that fit the standard scheme.  They certainly don’t have time for some sort of Gaming Activism, finding and exposing games people might not have seen or heard of.  Gaming journalism today isn’t about journalism, assuming that it ever was.  It’s about people who don’t give a fuck reciting hip scripts from Industry one-sheets, hitting all the right notes until the next crate of games arrives.  I’m surprised that you’re surprised.     

(CW)TB

Tron is something of a fetish for me, and though all gamers in my age category may not feel a tingling downstairs when they watch it, I think it is fair to say that affection for the film - with its themes of electronic theology and geek empowerment - has maintained with very little attenuation.

That said, Tron 2.0 is a visually remarkable game whose shooter elements feel somewhat awkward to me.  That’s all well and good - like any other young man who pretended that a frisbee was his Identity Disc, an odd compulsion drives me to purchase it.  I’m simply saying that the visual and aural feedback from the weaponry is unlike anything before it.  Since everything is all cyber, your guns are strange wing-wongs with spinny bits on the end.  It’s a problem that only a Tron game could have.  They were making a shooter, but they couldn’t have guns, they had to have glowy whirligigs because we’re inside the machine.  I found the effects enjoyable enough, but it did appear as though I was simply seeing what amounted to cyberspace codewords for weapons I would recognize intuitively anywhere else.   

Let’s talk about the Light Cycles, though.  I like very much that you unlock new cycles and color choices as you play.  The Game Grid as classically conceived did not have “power-ups” as such, missles, turbo boosts, and the like simply did not exist - though I will happily allow that as times have changed that subroutine has been upgraded.  But Tron game people, I need you to do me a favor.   

Download Armagetron.  That’s it, just give it a little clickeroo. 

Now, go back to your own game and keep changing it until it plays exactly like that.  The main thing your version of Light Cycles needs is what the freeware Armagetron calls “Glance Keys.”  You see, while children and cuddly stuffed animals play Tron with a third person camera, real programs play it from a first person perspective - but your setup currently does not allow for this anywhere near as well as the free game does.  Glance Keys work like this:  to be effective, we need to see right, left, and behind our cycles quickly.  The keys, when pressed, look a certain direction only for the duration of the press, and immediately return your view to the front.  What’s more, and this is the biggie, if you are glancing in a direction and then turn that direction, your perspective just snaps back to the front, instead of how it is now where you’re still looking the wrong way after you change course.  Well, whatever.  Give it a try, see if you don’t like that better.

(CW)TB