Penny Arcade

   
We’ve really done everything we can to enrage Infinium Labs, but apparently our efforts up until now have been unsatisfactory.  Hopefully our most recent salvo will warrant the proper response.

If you’ve been reading Penny Arcade for a while, you know that from time to time we are sent letters like the ones Kyle and Steve received over at HardOCP.  They’re big boys, so they don’t need any advice from us.  But you should really take a moment to read the article that has Infinium in such fits.  It’s not some new thing, in fact it’s over five months old.  You probably read it and then forgot about it in the intervening period.  It’s heavily sourced and draws on public record.  The article doesn’t editorialize anywhere near as much as it could, based on the data - if they had me as their tireless nemesis, Infinium Labs would need an entire team of lawyers, perhaps hitched together like sled dogs, just to handle the influx from me.  Steve was remarkably even-handed.

None of this would be happening if these very real concerns were spelled out in Chris Morris’ Game Over column, let’s get that out the way right now.  Everything in this supposedly monstrous, illegal article is just the sort of basic Due Diligence stuff that their investors should have known already.  The only reason this situation exists is because Infinium Labs thinks they’re dealing with an amateur website that’s going to go all weak in the knees once the first Cease and Desist hits.  Trouble is, now all that information is back in the forefront again, along with their ridiculous response to it - I’ve seen it on Ars, The Register, and AnandTech just to name a few - as though the universally reviled “Phantom” could withstand more bad PR.   

I received a late birthday gift yesterday from Brenna’s parents, one of these automated litter box things.  That seems like a nice thing to do for a person - you’re essentially saying to them, “I recognize that manipulating cat shit is unpleasant.”  I always see this thing in the SkyMall in-flight catalog, and the image in there always seems to imply that the device actually peels cats, devouring those that wander too near its plastic jaws.  Turns out that’s not true.  I own the “Plus” model, but there’s another one designated “X-VI Mega” which has a more refined cat shit algorithm.     

Under ordinary circumstances I do not pay much attention to whether or not my cat is shitting.  I have other things that I’m doing, including Origami, which is the Japanese art of paper folding.  Now, that private act is my fixation.  I sometimes berate the cat for not “doing its duty,” I roar edicts and gesture gravely.     

The trouble with this machine is that my cat is horrified by it.  You would think that I dragged in a crocodile and asked her to just hop up on there and let it go.  I don’t know if it’s the shape or what but something about this robotic bin evokes in my cat a primal fear.  The actual operation of the rake or “shit-teeth” is also very loud, really loud, it sounds like the device is tearing itself apart.  If I could suggest something to the designers of this machine, it would go something like “Please make your cat toilets less menacing.  Thank you.”     

(CW)TB out.

i could sell you tomorrow

I made a trip to the comic book store yesterday and I picked up some really good stuff that I wanted to share with you. I used to be quite the comic book reader when I was younger. I stopped reading around the time Image came out and ruined the industry by flooding the market with shitty, over priced books. Occasionally I’ll pick up a copy of Usagi or some random Spiderman Issue but I haven’t really been able to get back into reading comics on a regular basis. I guess that’s just because I didn’t know the right books to read.

I ended up going to the Comic Stop up in Lynwood. The store is run by a friend of mine who also happens to be the guy in charge of the Emerald City Comic-Con here in Seattle. I felt kind of silly but I told him how I hadn’t read comics in years but I really wanted to get back into them and I asked him what titles he would recommend. He took me on a whirlwind tour of the store, shoving books in my hands and explaining complex story arcs spanning hundreds of issues and multiple titles. I learned all kinds of things, like Image doesn’t suck anymore, Marvel is cool again, Jim Lee drew a years worth of super cool Batman comics, Superheroes can swear now, there is a book about a crow that gives hand jobs, and essentially that comics are rad again. That’s right, I said rad…piss off.

I ended up walking out of his store with some really good stuff. I’ll try and give you the low down on a few of the books I grabbed with out ruining too much of the story for you.

Marvel Knights: The Fantastic Four

Back when I was reading comics this was a corny title that no one read. Well it’s just been re-launched under the Marvel Knights banner (their adult line) and it’s totally awesome. It also just started so you can get in on issue one and not miss a beat. So the FF were off gallivanting around the world taking care of bad guys and when they get home they find out their money manager swindled them out of their fortune and fled the country. They are now totally broke and forced to look for regular jobs. I won’t spoil anymore of it for you, but suffice to say it’s a really fresh take on the characters and super heroes in general. It reminds you that the FF is a family first and a super hero team second.

“Reed Richards, Mr. Fantastic, brilliant scientist, intrepid explorer…stay at home dad?”

Wanted

Wesley Gibson is a total fucking loser. His dad walked out on him when he was just a baby. His girlfriend is fucking his best friend but he’s too much of a pussy to say anything about it. He has a shitty job and a complete bitch for a boss who is always giving him shit. Guys on the street make fun of him every day. Oh, and the dad he never knew was the worlds greatest super villain.

Wesley’s dad was “The Killer” the greatest hit man ever. He was part of a sort of Super Villain brotherhood that’s been operating secretly on this planet for about twenty years. When “The Killer” dies he leaves his vast fortune to the son he never knew out of some twisted sense of guilt for having walked out on him. The only stipulation is that Wesley has to join the Meta-Human Criminal Cartel and learn to ditch the “effeminate affections” he’s picked up over the years from his “neurotic single mother”

INVINCIBLE

I actually picked up issues one through four of this title in the form of a trade paper back. It tells the story of Mark, a kid whose dad is a super hero. The book starts just as Mark discovers his own super powers and starts his career as a super hero just like his old man. It’s a funny book that juxtaposes Marks wild adventures with his dad against dinner at home with his mom and life at school. Mark’s Mom is just like any other Mom. She doesn’t mid so much when she sees her husband on TV battling some giant monster, but she always worries when he gets sucked into another dimension. Now she has to worry about Mark as well and it’s not easy for her. Mark discovers a group of teenage crime fighters, and falls in with them to help uncover the mystery behind missing kids at his school and a recent string of mall bombings. I’d recommend grabbing the Trade and catching up on the entire story so far.

If you are in Seattle be sure and check out the Emerald City Comic-Con this weekend and check out the Comic Stop up in Lynwood if you decide you want any of the stuff I just mentioned. A few of our wives along with a couple of our friends will be running our booth at the Emerald City Comic-Con this year. It’s a bummer we can’t be there ourselves but if you need PA hoodies, shirts or posters they can hook you up.

Tycho and I will be taking off for Ubercon in New Jersey this week. We’ve never been to the east coast before and I honestly can’t imagine when we’d go back again. If you are in the area we’d really appreciate it if you come out to the con and say hi. I’ll be doing free sketches and we’ll have shirts, hoodies and posters to sell. We will also be taking part in some panels and getting our asses kicked at all kinds of games. It should be a real hoot!

-Gabe out

One of my favorite things about gaming is that it necessitates the creation of many, many terms to describe the scenarios unique to the passtime - and LAN parties are optimal conditions for the production of words.  Every map needs words, every situation must have a sort of “tag” that can be employed to depict the totality of it succinctly.  It has the side-benefit of being internal, secret language, so even if someone hears it they don’t actually know what you’re talking about.

That is particularly helpful at LAN parties where there is a considerable gulf between skill levels, where tension is created and then intensified by successive reamings.  In this case, the CSC - or Cat/String Complex comes into play.  When playing with cats, one must occasionally relinquish the yarn or the creature becomes bored and seeks out other amusements.  The metaphor is particularly apt - you need to throw a game every now and then to maintain morale in your prey.   

You have probably been to LAN parties where - when relating some marvelous thing you had done - there is always somebody who has to say they did what you did, only way better and it was super cool.  That person suffers from TCC, the condition known as Two Clown Complex.  It is derived thusly:  imagine that you will have a clown at your birthday party.  Should this joyous event be overheard by a person in the throes of TCC, they must declare that they will have not one but two clowns, in addition to a bouncy castle. 

An especially humiliating defeat is referred to as a Negative Christmas Event, or NCE - it is distinguished from ordinary holiday revelry by the way it retracts joy and merriment.  Such events are dispensed by a dark Santa who hails from a future without Christmas.

(CW)TB