Penny Arcade

I rarely have nice things to say regarding continuity, using modifiers such as “dreaded” or “despicable” to characterize it.  Aside from our general aversion to the concept, which - as we’ve established - is really quite vile indeed, it’s simply not compatible with the way we do things around here.  Certainly, we can envision a series of sequential events and transcribe them.  However, the moment we commit to something of that nature, invariably something entertaining or revolting occurs and we’re forced to make a decision between maintaining some artificial scenario we’ve invented or covering the events of the industry in real time.

Gabriel is leaving us next week for his annual family get-together, the strip and post will continue as usual, and the storyline we hinted at yesterday will begin on Monday - in the meantime, we couldn’t let these Driv3r review rumors we saw linked off of Evil Avatar just slip by.  I’m not saying that they’re true, now - I’m saying that I hope they are.  Because God damn if I’m not ready to sell out.  I’m right here.  This is the kind of shit I can bring, game industry.  I’m talking about some graphic homoerotic metaphors.  You know where to find me.   

It has been a long time since I wrote anything substantial about a movie.  I believe the last time I experimented with the form was in an off the cuff dismissal of Requiem For a Dream, which tickled neither my fancy nor any other part, but my skull still reverberates with the bludgeoning I received from film school students and drama queens for whom Aronofsky’s ridiculous After-School Special glittered with secret meaning.  Luckily, though that great gulf yawned between us, I managed to find a sliver of common ground with that film’s adherents:  Jennifer Connelly is hot to death.  Staring intently into a mirror, I once said her name for an hour in the hopes that she would suddenly appear.   

I had an opportunity to see Spider-Man 2 at midnight, which is a tradition among our people as you well know.  The tickets were purchased via some ordinary online mechanism,  common, which seems anticlimactic compared to the tent cities that blossomed around the Episode One line - but I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.  I’ve had the archetypical line experience, I can relate cautionary tales to the young if necessary. 

The second Spider-Man movie is, in essence, radical.  They really have the right idea, a pattern which the X-Men films also deliver on:  make a movie that is great on its own, for anyone, but is heavily encrusted with references for the faithful - some overt, some nearly subliminal in their delivery.  The possible follow-up is made quite prominent, but they have planted the seeds of Spider-Men Three through Five while holding in a real way to what makes the character so great:  how human he is.  Even Brenna, who in most cases can be trusted to patiently yield to my fascination with films of this type, has actively sought out information on this movie and solicited assurances from me regarding our attendance.  It’s easy to see why - there is a real disparity between the invulnerable, mythological “hero” and this young man named Peter Parker who is beaten virtually to death in every encounter.  His risks seem genuine in a way that the exploits of paranormal bad-asses typically don’t.

(CW)TB out.

all you trekkies and tv addicts

I spelled “possess” wrong in the title of the strip and post - I just changed it.  In my defense, it was practically six o’clock in the morning when I finished that post.  Also, possess is as improbably spelled as any word I’ve ever seen.  I’m surprised we have a single s left over for any other English word.

(CW)TB

I picked up Spider-Man 2 yesterday and had a chance to play quite a bit of it last night. All the great stuff you have been reading about this game is true. It’s pretty amazing how all of a sudden developers are learning that a licensed game can actually kick ass. If you had told me even a year ago that some of my favorite games in 2004 would be based off of movies I’d have laughed in your face and then asked you for winning some lottery numbers since you were obviously some kind of clairvoyant.

The game is made by the same people hat gave us the Tony Hawk series and as silly as it sounds, Spider-Man plays a lot like their previous titles. Taking missions from people on the street and completing a list of objectives in order to progress will feel very familiar. There are plenty of little coins and medals to collect but just like Tony Hawk, you actually want to collect all this shit. One of the reasons is because swinging around is so Goddamned fun. I’d say that the swinging is probably the coolest part of the game in fact. There have been times were I found myself just zipping around the city for five our ten minutes before I even thought to try and take a mission.

Visually the game is delicious. They have essentially given you Manhattan and told you it’s yours, go have fun. You can swing from one side of the city to the other and never experience any loading. Tack on to that the open ended game play and the feeling of freedom is just incredible. You can follow up on story points if you want to and that will help you progress through the levels but you can also just swing around the city stopping crime. If I had to make one complaint here it would be that you tend to stop a lot of the same crimes over and over again. It appears that there is a group of men whose sole job in life is to wear orange jump suits and hang precariously from the edges of buildings. You’ll also stop your fair share of armored car robberies and purse snatchings. These sorts of things might get boring except that the combat is a real treat.

Beating the holy shit out of these thugs is awesome and it just gets better as you purchase new combat abilities throughout the game. You can knock a guy up into the air then snatch him with your web and yank him back down into your fist. You’ll be alerted to impeding attacks by your spider sense and a quick tap of the dodge button will not only keep Spidey out of harms way but allow you to counter attack with some awesome moves. You’ve also got a Matrix style slow down effect you can turn on for short periods of time. Obviously this isn’t a new feature by any means but it’s there and it’s cool.

I could keep talking about it but the point it that it’s awesome and you should go and at least rent it. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

-Gabe out

You have to understand that we didn’t start playing the Tony Hawk series until it hit the Dreamcast, the next version I played being the 2X one that came out for the Xbox - so when I saw the Treyarch symbol at the beginning of Spider-Man, what came to mind immediately was Tony Hawk.  That’s actually Neversoft’s game, but Treyarch did handle the ports of it - so when Gabe mentions Tony Hark and Treyarch up there it’s based on something I said that is sort of factual and sort of not.  At any rate, it’s my fault and he shouldn’t be held responsible for it.

Treyarch themselves are better known to PC gamers as the creators of Die By The Sword - a swordfighting game where you used the mouse to directly control your sword arm - and Draconus: Cult Of The Wyrm for the beloved Dreamcast.

(CW)TB

I wish you weren’t a fucking liar.

-Gabe out

I’m not a liar.

(CW)TB

Well I wish you didn’t lie.

-Gabe out