Penny Arcade

A freelancer for GameSpy wrote up a review of Donkey Konga 2 which
they did not approve of, but instead of simply doing away with it or
directly pasting a press release into the news script, they tarted it up
and shoved it out on stage.  To hear

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him tell it, they
changed his one point five score to a three, adulterating it further
with phrases friendly to the game in question.  The review
has since been removed, hauled off the Internet - but Google remembers all.  Or, at any rate, it did.  I didn’t care for the review, and I doubt their fiddling made it demonstrably worse - but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Because Nintendo has chosen GameSpy’s backend technology for the online service they’re developing, typically the jump that gets made is one that points toward collusion. While I might indulge that kind of thing in a comic strip, I don’t really subscribe to it - because I know that it doesn’t take something as elaborate as conspiracy to bring a thing like this about.

Let me tell you about a friend of mine.

He’s written all sorts of reviews for all kinds of places.  He’s had reviews completely rewritten that still retain his byline.  And not just rewritten, I mean to say that the purpose of his original text was inverted.  In another case, the review was not modified, but the score was.  The numerical value he had given it was higher than the score the publication had awarded Warcraft III, so clearly that dog wouldn’t hunt.

It’s not some evil force at work:  there are review voices, and there is an overarching editorial voice that publications online and off try to maintain.  It’s their job to make sure that a score does not occur in vacuum, but fits flush in the edifice of their overall perspective. For example, IGN tends to score games a little higher and Gamespot tends to score them a bit lower.  I accept that I live in a complicated world where a matrix of factors - factors which sometimes include the raw machinations of business - are distilled into some value.  It doesn’t keep me up at night.  I just keep it in mind. 

As for the review itself, you aren’t missing anything - it’s exactly the same shit I read in every other review.  Score-wise, I mean, no - I don’t know what number to associate with a person pretending to play the drums.  I own four pairs of bongos myself, I recognize this places me in the minority, but if you’ve never been able to get at least two and as many as four people together to play it, I’m very comfortable saying you have no objective basis for discussing the game in the first place.

I’ll tell you that I’m tired of hearing every person who reviews the fucking game tell me what kinds of music they don’t like.  I don’t give a flying fuck what kind of music you listen to.  What I want to know is if these new songs provide interesting, original rhythms I can play solo or with my friends when they come over.  Will it extend the amusement I get from the peripherals I purchased?  I don’t want to know what’s on your fucking iPod, and I don’t care if this music does not create in you a state of elevated consciousness.  I’ve played through every song, and half again on the punishing difficult mode, and I vouch for the gameplay provided in this expansion.  The tunes provided by Donkey Konga 2 include many popular “radio” songs which supposedly amount to a kind of despicable mainstream outreach program - as opposed to that solid gold line-up in the first Donkey Konga. I suppose these new “tracks” simply lack the ironic kick of the first game’s “Bingo Was His Name-O” or the haunting, recursive nautical shanty “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.”

(CW)TB out.

oh shit i got a headrush

So how about that Xbox 360? I am assuming that everyone watched the
MTV show last night and I am also assuming that we all agree it was
garbage. The important thing to understand here is that, much like
Twisp and Catsby that show was not for us. When I say us I am
referring to the hardcore. The sorts of people who perhaps downloaded
a torrent of last nights MTV show. The sorts of people who had to call
their cable company to find out what channel MTV was on. The sorts of
people who had their Tivo or media PC grab the show for them so that
they could watch it at their leisure. Last nights unveiling of the
Xbox 360 was not for us it was for the people who were already
watching MTV. It’s true, there are human beings out there who watch
MTV in the same way your mom might watch ABC. Sitting through show
after show and watching as rides are pimped and celebrities are
punked.  Last nights show was for them and when you look at it that
way I have to say I think the show was a success. I cannot imagine
those sorts of people not being entertained for the entire 30 minutes
by the flashing lights and famous people. Gaming is cool now. Isn’t
that awesome.

-Gabe out :o:

Imagine that Microsoft has weapons aimed at every market segment.

Of course we watched their half-hour commercial on MTV, which was itself marbled with commercials, because we really want to see what is meant when they say “next-generation.”  The actual content of the program was so meager that it may not have struck telling blows even upon its intended audience - but anyone who reads Penny Arcade was, for the purposes of their tightly scripted salvo, the Public Relations equivalent of collateral damage. 

They did have ordnance precision aimed at our people - but it wasn’t televised.  Part of me feels as though I am capitulating to their marketing arm by even mentioning it, but I enjoyed it so much more than whatever that shit was last night that I’m putting it forward.  It’s from that OurColony viral marketing puzzle thing, and if you click on the round symbol to the left you’ll be able to choose which version of the video you want.  Some parts of it are too slick for my liking, but there are also a lot of big nerds in it giving me a lot of information.  There are also many UI screens you can pause to see even more stuff - a UI element for a Windows Media Center Extender is just one example.  Oh, and I’m officially retracting my statement that there won’t be wireless controllers in the box. 

Another reason to watch it is that J Allard looks exactly like a pirate.

(CW)TB

There are also some good bits on the new system - including some next-gen footage - in this Gamespot thing as well.  I’ve seen those Ghost Recon 3 shots floating around, but in motion it’s another thing entirely.

(CW)TB

Everyone has already seen the 1up’s Perfect Dark feature, I’m assuming, or at the very least they’ve seen the muddy, aliased shots that served as our introduction.  Seeing it in motion on the MTV thing - at least, what they were willing to show us - was a great deal more impressive.  Screenshots have really lost their ability to communicate today’s games - it’s already true for this generation of 3D acceleration on PCs, and every time I see a game actually moving on a next generation console it really drives the point home.  So many visual gains now arise from the behavior of simulated light and the surface contours revealed thereby.  Screens just don’t evoke it.

(CW)TB

one more time for the ladies.

E3 is fast approaching and we will of course be there. Last year Ubisoft was kind enough to offer us a portion of their booth for the purpose of meeting our fans. They’ve made us the same offer again this year and we’d be crazy not to take it. Those of you who have tried to see us at E3 will remember that before we had booth space security would just kick us all out onto the street. I have to admit that the line system we pioneered last year is far superior to the crushing mob seen in years past.

So if you’re going to E3 this year you can find us on Thursday and Friday at the Ubi Soft booth from 2 to 3. We have five hundred comic books to give away this year. Last year we had two hundred to give away and they were gone super quick. This time we will give away two hundred and fifty comic books each day. It’s a very nice full color book featuring our Brothers in Arms comic as well as our Spy Training Manual. I have a picture of the cover here:

Word is our line will be one big PSP lan party. Be sure and bring yours so you can get your game on.

-Gabe out :o:

Our friend Kiko just put his new shirts, I’d seen the designs and I wondered when they were gong to hit.  He’s got shirts based on what appears to be some kind of powerglove-type device, and the one I’ve been waiting for - he’s got a new Hadouken shirt that I like as much as I like anything on the face of the earth.

Buying shirts over there now has some kind of corollary benefit, as I understand it:  you can get a subscription to play magazine for ten bucks.  Truly, the age of the consumer is upon us!

(CW)TB