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Tycho / on Wed, May 1 2002 at 6:21 am

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I Will Choke Him

Like many of you, we’ve been eager in our discussion of the new (i.e., the old) Resident Evil for the GameCube.  Gabe’s latest free EGM gives it a clean bill of health, and the Gamespot guy ran low on adjectives in an effort to evoke its visual and aural splendor.  It comes out today.  Did I mention that we have no GameCube?  Because I’m getting to that.

We’re talking about shooting big-ass snakes and dogs whose insides are on the outside.  We’re lamenting the death of his receiver, because we won’t be able to draw a mug of that “Dolby shit” the new RE has on tap.  And then, he gets quiet.  We’re talking about GameCube stuff, though.  Is he dead?  And he’s like, “Oh shit.”  Okay, not dead.  Maybe there’s a spider. 

“Do you see a spider?”

“I sent it away.  The Cube, I sent the cube away.”

And I was like, to what?  To boarding school?  Where does one send their Cube away to, asshole?  And how much are you actually playing your favorite console if it can be gone for two weeks and you don’t even know? 

I get a flash of him sending it to one of those painting places, tricking it out, putting hydraulics in it so he can bump down the ave.  That would be one thing.  But he’s not even getting a blue LED or anything for it, he’s just getting a region switch put in, which does not bump in the slightest.  Though it’s probably for increased activity in our Land of the Rising Fun feature, I’ll bet you this Powermasters Optimus Prime I’ve got here that he couldn’t name a single game he simply must have from Japan on the platform.  I have a sneaking suspicion that, whatever the Japanese word is for Soccer, it covers ninety percent of the GameCube Shelf in any nation.

It’s a list.  I know I do this a lot.

  • Kiko from GameSkins kicked me an IM last night to say that Pie Hole shirts had finally come back in.  The preponderance of e-mail we’d gotten (I’m referring only to those non-viral mails, as the others tended to focus primarily on “excite games” they “wish I would like”) said you wanted Wang-Fu, Pie, and Got Wang in that order, so with any luck we’ll be able to stock the latter along a reasonable time frame.

  • Our logs show that an extremely small percentage of our traffic comes from Mac clients, even then, that small percentage might appreciate these OSX Icons that Kiko whipped up.  He uses his Dual G4 to do any work of substance, while his PC is concerned largely with the “games” that the proletariat seems to crave so.

  • Long-time pal Thomas P. Reidy (coincidentally, he is the third such Thomas P.) sent in this hickory roasted fan art, so tender it comes right off the bone.  He also does Broadband My Ass, and he’s a real sick fucker so you’ll probably love it.

  • We’ve had a few articles up lately, I just want to make sure the maximum number of people rub their eyes on them.  Obviously, there’s Batjew’s new Fanime 2002 thing, Wherein Our Hero Triumphs Over Bizarre Circumstances, And Acquires An Evil Toy.  There’s a picture on a fansite for the con that is really funny to me - I mean, you see everybody from FFX there, including the secret character, “Tidus’ Friend Bob.”  There’s also the overview of the Warhammer 40k card game I did, if that’s something you would like to read.  I’m supposed to get another bit from him shortly, but as an amateur game developer I thought Kriggs might have something that would interest the hive.

I’ll close with this bit of earnest Dungeon Siege poetry from Andrew Fritz:

my packmule had died
I reloaded my last save
now I protect him

I think there’s a lesson there for all of us.  Not to mention our burros.

(CW)TB out.

you stand at he bar
and you talk through my songs


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