Sometimes We Get Things
It is true that, sometimes, things which are truly fresh will find their way to the office from this or that PR department. Most of the time they’re just odd, for example a cat carrier or wildflower seeds. In numerical terms, Nintendo’s heartfelt missives tend to promote the most eyebrow raising.
We once received a box from them around the time Starfox Assault came out. The box in question did not contain the game, it contained another smaller box, with a label that encouraged us to enjoy our Assault and Peppy. Inside the box was a pair of Starfox salt and pepper shakers, which were… I guess they dispensed salt and pepper, which is really all I ask of something like that. Appraised in this narrow fashion the devices were an unmitigated success.
Today, we opened a yellow envelope and were terrified to find that it contained a mold of a human hand.
It was grasping a piece of orange paper the contents of which we were honestly too terrified to digest. If the message they have intended to send is that Nintendo knows where we can be found should we lose favor with them, the message has been received.
If we had placed the salt and pepper shakers in an innocuous location, they would not have created much of a stir. They are tiny jars with perforated tops, not severed limbs, and so if you were to place one on Gabriel’s retracting keyboard tray he would not think much of it.
We replaced Gabriel’s regular coffee (keyboard) with Folger’s crystals (a human hand), and he did notice, barking the following once his breath and vigor had returned:
“Do you fuckers not understand that you need me? Do you understand that if I have a heart attack and die, you all have to get real jobs?”