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Tycho / on Wed, Mar 22 2006 at 6:26 am

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Leaf-Eyed Sons Of Bitches

Pork came by on Monday to hang out, and being utterly without a DS he’s never experienced the high points the system has on offer for wireless gamers.  A number of these games only require a single cartridge to play, typically two or four player, but there are games that reach up to eight and, yea, even unto ten.  Meteos has fallen out of favor with most people I know, because even though it’s a great game you can be tremendously effective just scribbling on the screen.  Like the "snaking" scourge of Mario Kart DS, it’s the sort of thing that is best resolved by refusing to play with assholes.

Pork is color-blind, which was something I knew intellectually, but I had not considered the effects it might have on Meteos perfomance.  Knowing this makes my demonstrative victory celebrations appear crass in retrospect, as they were not triumphs over a well-matched foe, but rather acts of domination perpetrated against a man with a disability.  Let me detail them for you, so that I may be absolved by this full accounting.

Suggesting that he "return to his country of origin," which I believe is California.

Opening and closing the DS over his jeans, declaring that my portable console had "torn" his "dick off."

Smashing the Nintendo DS will all force into his left ear.

Inventing a new sexual preference ("cuomosexual") and then suggesting that he adhered dutifully to its tenets (presumably, having sex with Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo).

My spirit feels lighter, somehow.  Oh - I also penetrated him with a Sharpie. 

I’m glad that people found something to enjoy in the "podcast."  I have employed quotation marks to imply that there is very little "podcast" going on there.  Downloads need to be a turnkey affair, and updates must be available via RSS.  This the casting part you may have heard about.

Beyond audio innovations like "two microphones" and "show notes with links," understand that we’re simply leaving a microphone on in a room while we talk.  I know Gabe covered this already, but I want to stress the point.  We don’t have any desire to be funny microphone guys queuing up the fart sound.  Imagine that they are something which just occurs naturally, like the formation of stalactites.   

(CW)TB out.

those that murdered me shall stand before god


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