The Land Before Time
I really want to know what another ten years of increasingly ubiquitous Internet will do to a person. I’ve got two kids, and it’s not too late. I’m seriously considering making one of them the control.
We crack wise about The Time Before (and, indeed, about the rank depravities the distributed present allows) but I actually remember what I did before the Internet. I played videogames. And I logged into Bulletin Board Systems, which were like the Internet, but smaller.
When the part of the evening I apportion to digital pursuits has rolled around lately, I’ve been plastering over that time with various phone-bound nibblin’s in lieu of something more entree. With the product in hand, though, it’s obvious: I’ve been keeping the deck clear for Dragon Age.
I downloaded the “High Definition Pack,” the sort of thing a game’s mod community typically gets up to a few months after release, and the whole thing feels very nineteen-ninety-nine but in a good way. Will there also be a cloth map? Or are we rolling it all the way back to the code wheel?
I really have done it all, everything I could; spray-cleaned the desk, leveraged a monitor-appropriate wipe, fresh drivers, all of it. Cleaned the feet on my mouse. Optimized my startup. Tirelessly hunted malware. Defragged.
I defragmented, people.
I did this in the increasingly compressed time available, both in preparation for the show and just in the ordinary continuum of my function as a Storm Wizard and an Internet Demagogue. The table is laid, and every polishable surface has been adored, and every knob has been torqued to its most explosive notch.
Now all I need is for the game to be good.