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Gabe / on Mon, Jun 9 2014 at 9:46 am

The Zoo

If today’s comic feels a little “real” that’s because it is. Tycho and I were talking about the special sort of Dad rage that comes over a father determined to make his family have fun.

“we’re going to have a good time God Damnit!”

I was relating to him the story of my recent Zoo visit and it was just too universal not to put into comic form. What we didn’t include in the comic strip was the food court experience I had while at said zoo. even though we arrived well before noon it was nearly 1:00 by the time I found a parking place. This meant that before I even saw an animal I had to deal with two hungry kids. The food court gives the appearance of having a handful of dining options at first glance. There are colorful neon signs above each counter implying that you could eat tacos, pizza, or burgers. Each one has its own clever brand name but behind the counter you can see they are all just fronts for the same massive stainless steel kitchen. I chose the burger place and when they called me up for my order I saw that none of it was the food I ordered.

I was trying sort out my hamburgers with the woman behind the counter who was at the same time trying to help the equally unhappy customers on either side of me. To my left was a man who said that his order was nearly complete except for the single slice of pizza he ordered. The lady on the other side of the counter explained that she could not give him a slice of pizza because “people keep ordering whole pizzas”. The pizza enthusiast suggested that they choose one pizza to be the “slice pizza” and use it solely to satisfy customers of the slice persuasion. She looked scandalized by this proposition. “you don’t understand.” she said to him “people keep ordering the whole pizza!”

With Mr. I know everything about pizza dealt with she turned her attention to the customer on my right. She presented a basket of fries covered in chili. The customer next to me looked at the fries and she said “I asked for the chili on the side.” The employee of the month behind the counter looked at the chili drenched fries, nodded and then tossed the entire thing in the garbage. “So uh, can I have fries with chili on the side?” the customer next to me asked. The woman behind the counter looked right at her and said “We’re out of chili.”

I looked at the food on my tray. Still not right but it was good enough. I grabbed it at returned to my now ravenous family. Gabe looked at it and said “but I wanted…” then he stopped upon seeing what must have been a pretty intense Dad face.


“This is what we are eating.”

-Gabe out


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