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Tycho / 23 hours ago

Aside from pruning and snipping Gabriel’s prodigious output as you would a hedge, another task which devolves to me is the maintenance of our growing Library - the compilations of our “works” that will stand, like stone legs, to puzzle the next civilization.

There’s a lot of nonsense in that continuum, and so much time has elapsed that I can read most of that stuff as though it was written by strangers.  Not ourselves, at any rate.  Do I even share any cells with these creatures?!  I understand where they’re coming from, though.  They are missing a lot of the information they need to function, but they’re making decisions based on something other than immediate gain or domination of the other which puts them ahead of the game frankly.  But the organism you see in the strip - who writhed in slime years before any of these current incarnations - is a special kind of somethin’.

That guy is not a revision of the currently deployed code - he was the final version of another project altogether.  All the abuse you get has to go somewhere, and I went the Dark Eldar route, where I just sort of wore it all over.  Not physically.  I did wear a dog collar at one point, but I maintain that this was a strictly ironic usage.  No, the whole thing was just…  eugh.

Because he is me but not-me I feel compelled to eat him in order to maintain my identity.  Does that make sense?  I feel like I have to defeat him, on some Dagobah type shit.  Except he’s not me, he’s like the egg I hatched out of.  Trying to fight an egg doesn’t make you a cool person, and if you told someone you had defeated an egg nobody would be impressed.  I am comforted somewhat to know that he would hate me, too.  But I can’t really, fully, one hundred percent hate him back.

Except… I think I might actually have said “wisdom,” instead of knowledge, which I is even worse.  On whatever scale you would even measure that.  Now I do hate him.  I hate the person who says “wisdom” in that scenario way, way more.

(CW)TB out.


I’m back from my vacation today and feeling pretty great. I spent a week with my family at Aulani which is a Disney resort in Hawaii. It was our second time there and it’s just amazing. We are all huge Disney fans in my family and even though it’s not a theme park, Aulani still delivers an incredible Disney experience. We relaxed in the pools, floated around the lazy river, played on the beach and spent way too much on souvenirs.

While I was on vacation I managed to read two really great books. The first was Dragon Age: Asunder. If you’re still playing DA:Inquisition like I am you should give this book a try. It leads into some of the events of the game really well. I don’t want to spoil anything but I finished it while in Hawaii and could not wait to get home so I could put Cole in my party.

The other book I read was Coming Home. This is an Alex Benedict novel by Jack McDevitt. It’s a series of Sci-Fi book about a guy who is sort of like space Indiana Jones. They are all great stories and this latest one did not disappoint. There are some big ideas in these books having to do with space and time but the way they are written makes them incredibly reader friendly.

We talk about Anki DRIVE in today’s comic and it’s 100% true. This was the big “Santa” present my boys wanted this year. In fact they actually both agreed on it which is crazy for 10 and 4 year old brothers who pretty much fight about everything. My wife put me in charge of getting this gift which was a huge mistake. I went in thinking I’d just get the starter kit and ended up checking out of Amazon with an extra track, two more cars, and a quick charge kit. Despite my best efforts Kara has not allowed me to crack into it yet so I can’t offer any kind of review. After Christmas I’ll be sure and post a write up and let you know what the family thinks of it.

I had a great vacation but it’s nice to be home. I missed you guys.

-Gabe out

Tycho / 3 days ago

After we watched this unboxing video, I think that Gabriel was utterly convinced that he wanted to unbox Anki Drive, if nothing else.

When the shit showed up at the office, flanked by various accoutrements, the electronic racing equivalent of bannermen, and addnl. dork fetish gear, I tried my best to get him to open them at that very moment because that is how I enjoy myself.  But he wouldn’t do it.  And not because he didn’t want to.  He loves gadgets.  None of that shit is for anybody but him!  It’s all his stuff.  He’d have bought it all if he didn’t have kids.  No, no.  He was, like, edging these cars or something.

He was engaging in erotic car denial. 

I need him to open this stuff because I can’t really execute on that stuff the way he can, just…  constitutionally, but also because it wouldn’t matter if I did.  There is no present that would not please my daughter, and there is no present that would please my son.  If I kneel down and pick a dandelion for Ronia, she’ll put it in her hair and preen and be fairy or whatever.  If I gave my son a gold bar, he wouldn’t know where to put it.  Pockets - front or back - are not up to the task.  Eventually I would be asked to hold the Gold Bar and within fifteen minutes he will have forgotten it exists.  So it’s hard to pull this trick at my house, because a gum wrapper would please one of them and the other doesn’t have the receptors for pleasure.

So buying this stuff would be an incredibly transparent ploy that would ultimately result in my playing with this stuff by myself, at night, in a cold garage.  It’s like a relief map of desire; the children are drained away.  All that remains is my own desperate, incalculable need for lego sets from the Lego Movie.  The last sentence of this post was originally just the word “lego” in all caps anywhere from seven to twelve times.  I have scrupulously refrained.

(CW)TB out.

Tycho / 6 days ago

So he didn’t get it done.  It was me; it was just me.

There are two places you can have your junk turned into Venetian blinds that have very similar names, and I always went to the wrong URL whenever I was trying to “bone up” on what I needed to know.  One of these two offers Valium to those in its care, and one does not.  So I was nervous, but under the misconception that a fear obliterating chemical was en route, which kept things at a low boil.

There was a portion at the beginning where a woman came in to ask me all of the questions I had answered on the questionnaire, but a second time, just to make sure.  I tried to be as personable as possible, a great expenditure of energy, but it was okay because I only had to remain human long enough for someone to put drugs in my mouth.  Then, whatever addled shamanic “wisdom” issued forth at that point had to be endured by all parties.  But this wasn’t the place that had the Valium.

While I was processing that the doctor came in and asked me all the questions from the questionnaire a third time, so that I was good and ready.  I know what’s happening, yes.  I made the appointment.  This is a vasectomy clinic.  I understand that this is not a hot dog stand and that no hot dogs will be forthcoming.

This doctor prides himself on not using scalpels or needles, which to me is, like the bare minimum.  I didn’t even know that shit was on the table.  I can imagine his competitors trudging away from their empty practices in the snow, their Garden Weasels clawing a trench behind them.  How did they do this shit before?  Did they just put some peanut butter on your balls, and let a wolf eat them?

Now, he uses a Hypo, like they do in Star Trek, but they use it on a place I never saw them use it on the show.  Except it didn’t take?  I have this problem where they have to give me more of whatever they give to another person to make pain go away, and I said so.  So I thought it was cool, but all of the sudden it wasn’t cool; I would say that it is the least cool thing that has ever happened.  And know what it feels like to have a pair of wire cutters digging in the nail-bed of my big toe, which was the last time I thought it was enough medicine.  I started talking about PAX in a staccato, shocky way.  I said that PAX South might be the first show that stays in its original location.  For real.  I said that.

There was a fish mobile in the corner of the room, and the top part - the part the fish hang from - was two triangles overlapping, the Star of David.  I stared at it so long, and so hard, that I became a Jew.

When he was almost done, he was all like, “Last Chance!” and “Hey, Do You Want to See Your Vas Deferens” and I was like are you fucking kidding me with this shit.  Maybe there’s somebody that is down with that, in the way that one may be down with the clown.  Maybe they’re like, God Damn, fish that thing out and let’s take a good hard look.  But because of the fuckup with the medicine, I felt like I knew everything there was to know at an unparalleled resolution.  There’s nothing about it that I don’t know, actually.  I could enhance literally any quadrant.

So I learned too much, and now you know too much.  I couldn’t do it by myself; I can’t be the only one who knows.

(CW)TB out.

Tycho / 1 week ago

It’s fun to sit on ice.

The original plan, hazily enunciated, was to have Robert, Mike, and myself all enter the same abattoir and have them done all at once, like what happens when there is a Salon Excursion where ladies might roll deep and nails are buffed to a gleam.  The number of participants is really the only commonality, now that I think of it.  The Venn Diagram is very sparse in the middle; there is only a tiny sliver of conceptual overlap, vanishingly small.

Steam removed a Greenlight game for content reasons and then reversed their decision more or less in the space of a day.  Every twitch of this game has been covered breathlessly by a media which has claimed at each juncture that the game is a vile affront, which has only raised its stature.  If it were truly their intention to exile the game, they are the ones with the power to do so; as we have seen, when they want to exile a story, they are more than capable of it.  But what they have done instead is to perform this morality play for clicks because that is what they do, even when it is in contradiction of their stated aims.   

I don’t care about this specific game.  You will see it named nowhere in the piece.  But I care with great intensity about the weaknesses it exposes in our systems.

You will go crazy if you try to find a coherent rationale when it comes to these mediastorms.  There is no solid beam anywhere in the lattice structure.  If it’s bad for [entity.speaker] it’s bad, and if it’s good for them, it’s good.  If it’s bad for their opponents, it’s good, and if it’s good for their opponents, it’s bad.  It’s not political in the classic sense, the bright, legible two-party distinction which has lost some prescriptive power, though it certainly has political ramifications.  The idea that you can believe in a culture strong enough to accept all comers without personally subscribing to the worst ideas of humanity used to be a thing.  Remember when it was a thing?  It’s like we’ve been playing this rhetorical game so long that all the pieces are now on the opposite sides.  And we start again.

Removal from Steam is not removal from Target or K-Mart.  I want to make this point very clear: like the metaphor in the introduction, there is only a slight overlap.  It reminds me of the thing with Rap Genius, where they were perceived as manipulating traffic and Google essentially kicked them off the fucking Internet.  Steam is not “a” store, Steam is “the” store.  It cannot be a zone where this kind of prescription and paternalism takes place.  When the next war comes, when they hear their own arguments to constrain wild culture thrown back in their face, I trust they will manage it with grace and equanimity.

(CW)TB out.

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