He came into work yesterday with a prescription for something that will alter his brain chemistry, which I thought was a big step for the man who refuses to take aspirin. We've long canonized our respective lunacies, believing it is like some artistic sacrament that makes our bizarre endeavor possible. We have relied upon them. Or, at any rate, we did.

I've talked a couple times here about my anxiety issues. I've said before that I never thought I could take any kind of medication for it. That's due to the fact that one of the things I was most paranoid about was drugs. It's true that I did finally see a doctor and I have started taking medicine. I felt a little weird about it at first but a friend of mine made a good point. He told me he takes four different pills for his allergies every morning. For some reason that really made sense to me.

So I've always worried about things. I also always knew that most of the time there was nothing to worry about. For me it wasn't even just worrying about something. I understand that everyone worries. The best way I can describe it is "Chain worrying." I'll try and give you an example. The medication I picked up today said it could cause dizziness. That might worry someone for a second and then they would take the pill. For me though I had to obsess over it all afternoon. It went something like this: But I drove to work today by myself, will I be able to drive home? What it I cant? How will I know if I can't? Should I call the doctor if I get dizzy? How dizzy is too dizzy? What if the doctor isn't there? Will I need to go to the hospital? Should I get a ride home? I can't leave my car here overnight. The garage closes at 6 what will I do with my car? What if Kara can't come get me? Should I ask Kiko for a ride home? If I get dizzy does that mean it's working? Does that mean it's not working? What if it doesn't work? What if I don't have anxiety disorder, what if I have a worm in my skull that eats brain and shits tumors. To use a term you might be familiar with, my anxiety "stacks".

It was almost impossible to go get help though because the very nature of the illness prevents you from getting it. So I worry alot, I know that. So I start to think maybe I worry too much. Maybe I have a real problem. Then I think, "no I'm just worrying too much". This is the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night. It's fucking inescapable like some kind of brain trap. So I have to write off  this fear that I might actually be sick as another example of my needless worrying. Add to that the fact that I worry that if I do go to a doctor he'll tell me I have some kind of brain disease or I'm not treatable or maybe just as bad that there's nothing wrong with me. All this shit piles up and the result is that I'm 30 and I've never gone to the doctor about it until yesterday.

There were a lot of factors that contributed to me finally going. I've had a friend for a while now who had similar problems. He got help a while ago for it and has been trying to convince me to do the same for more than a year. Also, and this is a big one, I felt like it was getting worse. I had sort of resigned myself to living with it. I had managed it this far I figured there's no reason I can't keep it up. When I noticed that it was getting worse rather than staying the same I got scared. Not even for myself necessarily but for the people around me. I have a family now and that means I don't have the luxury of indulging my neurosis. I decided that if there really was another way of living, that if I really could get rid of this weight that I owed it to myself and the people around me to try.

I guess I could experience some sexual side effects but honestly I was never very good at that to begin with. The increased anxiety is a real concern (hah!) but if it happens at all I'm told it will go away within the first week or so. In the end I'm just crossing my fingers and staying hopeful. It couldn't hurt to try. Unless the medication liquefies my bones. That would hurt.


-Gabe out

Turbulence surrounding the compulsory installation of the PS3's Devil May Cry 4, a procedure which is epic in length, was eventually answered by the scuttling drones of the official Capcom Blog. Their response, only loosely interpreted, is that complaining about it is dumb - and if you complain about it, then you are dumb.

Despite what the Mr. Period comics might imply, I think of grammar as somewhat tyrannical, and believe that an obsession with the mechanical perfection of language is at odds with actual communication. At the same time, I know (generally) how things should be arranged, and so non-standard uses deliver naughty thrills. There are floating syllables in the recent Twisp & Catsby thing that can only be resolved by a very specific reading, and they project from the phrases in a suggestive way. I even like trade names: words that evoke fierce, yet sensitive gladiators or spry androids.

I just have some random stuff to share here.

***UPDATE***

Looks like we got bumped to 2/12 because of a Magic tournament.

Pokemon League night is next Tuesday at the Comic Stop. Matches start at six pm, but you can show up a little early if you'd like to trade cards. As always new players are welcome, just bring a starter deck. It's also a good idea to register at Go-Pokemon.com and bring your POP ID.

A reader wrote in today to tell me that he was doing the New York Sun crossword puzzle for January 30th and noticed this clue for 12 down:  "Tycho's pal in the webcomic 'Penny Arcade' (4 letters)." That's totally awesome.


I'm sure the Force Unleashed will be fine. The time period around the original trilogy is just getting so crowded. Now Vader has a secret apprentice? I mean, it makes sense canonically to me. The Emperor had Mara Jade out there doing his dirty work. It's not unreasonable to think Vader had a similar arrangement. Also the very nature of Sith rule makes covering your ass a necessity. The hook for the game is fine and I don't mind the 3rd person action stuff. There are a few games I'd much rather see them make though. The fact that they have not made a sequel to Republic Commando is fucking criminal. That's not a joke either. I mean that someone over there should be put in jail for the rest of their life. RepCom was an incredible squad based shooter, and unlike most games in that genre it was packed with awesome characters. This games deserves a next gen sequel. The other game that needs a next gen installment is Tie Fighter. Seriously that game came out in 1994 and it's one of the best space shooters ever. And for fucks sake stop setting things during the movies. There's nearly sixty years worth of incredible content (minus the dark nest series) extending out past Return of the Jedi. You don't have to keep trying to cram stories into the same 20 year period. They're milking so much content out of that period that eventually we'll be playing a game as Luke where the goal is to repair vaporators on the south ridge. Hurry up you've only got 'till mid day!

Rez is available on Xbox Live now. It's one of the best games ever made.

The most popular piece of clothing we've ever made, AKA The Black Mantle is back in stock. It's joined by its polar opposite, the Luminous Vestments. I have a feeling both will be sold out before I finish typing this.


-Gabe out

The last time we saw Force Unleashed, and this would have been quite awhile ago, it was essentially a tech demo for the new development methodology at Lucasarts - one that would rely heavily on procedural systems. Using Havok for physics, Euphoria to give their A.I. an awareness of those physics, and Digital Molecular Matter to simulate world materials, I think the idea was that they could create spaces where players could do whatever they felt like doing, and the world would oblige them in a way that was consistent and convincing.

I know it's hard to believe but it's time to start thinking about PAX 2008. We've opened up pre-registration for those of you who'd like to get your tickets early. If you do decide to take advantage of the early bird special you'll pay $40 for your 3 day pass. That price is good up until March 31st.

Pax last year was incredible. I don't think Tycho was exaggerating when during one of our panels he called it "the greatest gaming convention in the entire fucking universe".


Wil Wheaton delivered a Keynote speech that I still hear people talking about. I was standing back stage during his keynote and when he finished and stepped back behind the curtain all I could do was hug the guy.

With that gigantic PC behind me - a PC I have begun to call the Night Engine - we finally have a machine in here that can run Crysis, and run it well. Reasonably well. Not at max resolution, by any means. The sweet spot is around 1440x900 here, a point at which he performance and gameplay have reached an uneasy truce. They'll be showing off a console version of their engine at the next GDC, which was inevitable, but they'll also be revealing a "six hundred dollar machine" that will run Crysis well. That must be the comedy portion of the act.

My heart went out to the woman in the recent clip for Dungeons and Dragons: Stormreach. At one point, a green face is shown. Maybe it was a jade face. Anyway, it looked like it was entrance to a dungeon that I had no interest in raiding for ancient wealth. Your dungeon entrance says something about you as a subterranean civilization, and this one said that I could avoid it altogether, and not miss much.

The actual writing of this strip was fairly quick, but there's an extended tangent about The Club that lends heft.  You can download the podcast for today's comic here, and (as always) get a jump on the official announcements by subscribing to our tender feed. 

(CW)TB
 

You might have heard that NASA was trying to gin up an MMO.  We just received a mail from a human being involved in the project, someone  who wants to make sure they collect the best ideas from the best people.  Naturally, she thought of the readership here.  Her mail follows:

I know how incredibly unpleasant this could end up being if we don't
have the right minds behind it, and would just like the chance to get it
in front of as many potentially talented people as possible.  Would you
guys consider posting a sentence on this in the news section soon?

"The purpose of this RFI is to solicit information from organizations
with proven immersive synthetic environments expertise who are
interested in potentially forming a MMO platform development partnership
with NASA. We are currently targeting releasing a Request for Proposal
in March 2008."

Here's a couple of run-downs in English from people outside NASA:

http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2008/01/nasa-seeks-inpu.html
http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2008/01/would-you-play.html#previouspost

And the NASA sites:
http://procurement.nasa.gov/cgi-bin/eps/synopsis.cgi?acqid=128415
http://ipp.gsfc.nasa.gov/mmo/submit.html

NASA gets surprisingly tiny amounts of money (about $17B/yr) to go to
freakin' space and do a whole lot of discovering of various
humanity-impacting things.  And a lot of people just don't know the
amount of awesomeness we do for that.  We're working on many things to
try and communicate to people better about what we do (that's part of
our forming mandates, actually), and this is one initiative.

And I think it would be cool if it wasn't a big mess, or even just an
"eh" thing.  I'd like to see it be *good*.

For the space program, guys?

Oh, but darling:  you had us at immersive synthetic environments.

(CW)TB

Hopefully you had time to grab the new Devil May Cry demo, taking an opportunity to put the new Devil Bringer to use. The purpose of the Devil Bringer is, we believe, self-evident. We played the demo on the 360, almost purely for novelty purposes, but since the game began life as a Playstation 3 exclusive the two are likely to be identical.

It's gotten to the point where we're considering placing Chinese-style hard limits on our own World of Warcraft play. Ordinarily, we do not consider the Chinese Government a model for emulation.  In this case, they may be onto something.

Pokemon League is tonight. Congrats to everyone that got their first gym badge at the last meeting. We're starting a new season tonight so I hope everyone worked on getting any illegal cards out of their decks. You can find the current modified legal card list here. I believe we're entering the Pastoria City season which means we'll all be playing for our Fen badges. If you have not registered on Go-Pokemon.com yet, be sure and do that so you can start earning points towards your badge. We'll try to get the matches started as close to six as possible. If you'd like to show up early to trade feel free. See you all tonight.

-Gabe out

I know we don't talk about our game much. We really don't want to beat you guys over the head with it. Honestly we handle most of our big projects that way. We try to make coming here "easy" and I don't want you guys to feel like you're constantly being pitched something. Balancing that against the fact that if we don't tell you about things like new shirts and books you are less likely to purchase them is tricky. another reason for the lack of coverage is that we really weren't sure the game was going to be any good. We're doing a lot of the art and all the writing but the reality is that this was a collaboration with the Hothead guys and until very recently I wasn't convinced making the game was a good idea.

Tycho said it best in a couple interviews "games look like shit until they look awesome." it's really more than that though because they also play like shit until they are fun. I remember getting the first build months ago and telling Tycho we should scrap the entire thing. The builds kept coming though and they kept getting better and better. I understand now that that's just how game development works. It wasn't until the most recent build that I finally saw something genuinely fun. The Hothead guys obviously knew what they were making but for me it was like looking at a sketch and not understanding how it could ever be a finished painting.

I've played through it multiple times now and I can tell you truthfully that it's funny and it's fun to play. If you like PA I believe you will enjoy it. If you don't know about PA I think you will still laugh and If you hate us you'll hate our game. The game just hit beta and Hothead is polishing it more and more every day. I can tell you that what I see right now I'm honestly proud of. Tycho has written some of his best stuff for this game. Like me, he hates himself and hates the things he makes so he would never link you to this, but I feel like he deserves it. A while back Tycho spent a week at the Hothead studio writing non stop for the game. Ron Gilbert was up there as well and he posted this on his blog shortly after.

"Jerry from PA is up here as well doing the writing and it's a thrill to see him work.  He's a top-shelf writer, right up there with Tim Schafer and Dave Grossman."

I'm sure when Tycho sees I linked that he'll go right for his wrists, but it's true.

An early build of the game recently made its way through the media digestive system.  The result is that you will see coverage of it popping up at many of your favorite game news sites. Everything I've seen so far has been very positive but I guess that's the way it is with previews. I think the best place to go is Gametrailers as they simply post high quality video of the game being played. You can make your own decisions based on what you see. If you want more you can watch the 1up show where a narcoleptic Jedi will tell you that the game is "like not really like PA but also like totally like PA." Maybe that's helpful to someone? The Gamelife blog over at Wired also has a very complete write up of the game if you want more than just raw footage.

It's funny, before the game I never would have thought twice about calling someone a narcoleptic Jedi. After I had typed it out though I paused. Am I Derek Smart now? Will this effect our PR persons relationship with 1Up and other media outlets? Will they savage us in their review and will that hurt sales? Should I not talk about the coverage at all?

Even if all of that is true should I care?

Obviously the answer is no.

-Gabe out

There's really no trick: Endless Ocean is a game about swimming forever. It's not a game for our people, and it need not be plugged into the apparatus. You swim and swim and swim. Sometimes you pet penguins on the deck, or talk to a hydrophobe that you know. You can even dive cooperatively online, which is, like, Finally.