I have used this space on countless occasions to express my opinions about Star Wars games. I have sent e-mails to Lucas Arts time and time again detailing my ideas for new games. For my efforts I have received letters from Lucas Arts legal department asking that I not send anymore unsolicited creative ideas. I have talked to many of the actual people who develop the Star Wars games that you and I play. While it's true that they are extremely friendly people they politely switch subjects when the conversation turns to my own game ideas. This has led me to the conclusion that I need to be employed at Lucas Arts in order to see my dreams become a reality. And so with that in mind I give you…my resume:

With E3 coming up again, I'm reminded of how impressed we were with Sony/Verant/Omni Consumer Products' highly anticipated Planetside. Easily my favorite game of last year's show, it was looking mighty fine and intrigued with hinted at, gesticulated toward multiplayer concepts.

We hadn't done a strip on the G4 Network yet, and with the announcement of their actual line-up it seemed like a good time. Gabe has optimism but realistic fears, which he will no doubt elucidate in a few hours' time. The only thing I know for certain is that they need a Penny Arcade show. I've never been more sure of anything in my life.

I've received this LA Times "Playola" article from a few people - Gabe mentions it in his post, but it might be worth focusing on for a second.

I know that some of the people we refer to in today's comic actually read Penny Arcade from time to time. **Cough**ClanTDO**Cough** I think it is important that they understand exactly what their constant bitching gets them. You see, I don't even really like the rocket launcher, except for maybe on the Hunt. I am an SMG man for the most part. However when I see the other team start to complain about Kara using it or Tycho I immediately pull out the big dog. I'll use it on every goddamned map if that's the way they wanna be. Then, inevitably they get the brilliant idea to take rocket launchers themselves. One especially brain dead group of Axis actually said that they were going to "fight fag with fag." Of course that strategy never works. They almost always end up killing themselves before they ever get a shot at one of us. The thing that bothers me is this kind of shit happens EVERY NIGHT. We hear the same shit over and over again. "The RL is a no skill Weapon." "They use the shotgun because they are pussies!" "Try using a real weapon!" I think our mod will solve some of the problem but it seems to me like what is needed here some kind of giant mechanical killing machine that can seek out these retards and devour them.

While playing Jedi Outcast yesterday with my esteemed colleague S. Monkey, mongrels could be heard to say "o no, i guess this server is full of grip whores." Just so you know, Grip is when Darth Vader lifts you off the ground and chokes you, even though he is a across the room. Suffice it to say, it's a Jedi Thing. Jedi do it. There's ways out of it. But it begs the question: Could a Jedi be a saber whore?

I wish these people would just forget how to breathe, and die clawing at their carpets - writhing in the useless air like some doomed fish. In Tribes, precious, forward-thinking Tribes, it was very simple matter to mute an idiot when he begins to broadcast the true extent of his stunted faculties. Today's strip just collects our frustration - we can certainly understand why someone might not enjoy the losing, but like the Warbling Chattybitch the strained noises they make have no bearing whatsoever on anything. There is no politeness for your opposition; World War 2 was not some kind of Axis Vs. Allies bake-off. If I feel like taking a gun that shoots grenades, that the creators of the game saw fit to include, I'm going to Goddamn well take the gun that shoots grenades. If you don't like that, it's a pity I can't carry two. Try not to suck so much.

I almost forgot. Those of you playing Jedi Starfighter might be interested in this little tidbit. Try entering the code "pnyrcade" and see what you get. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Thanks to the cats at Lucas Arts. It’s great to be recognized in one of the best Star Wars games I have ever played.

I generally don't get into fantasy games, much less point and click style RPG ones. Somehow though, Dungeon Siege managed to get a grip on me. Killing monsters is fun but for me the real thrill comes from finding new items and a little something I like to call transmuting. To say that my ranger looks good would be an understatement. His silver chain mail is accented with a bright red flame thrower and matching hat. This ensemble tells monsters that this is a marksman who is serious about killing them with liquid fire and looking good while he does it. He's ready for summer but still holding on to spring with his +3 to strength leather boots. Watch out Krug Dogs, this flame throwing ranger is H-O-T hot!

Today's strip concerns a game you may be spending the weekend with, Gas Powered's inaugural release Dungeon Siege. DS is such a streamlined hack und slash experience that it virtually plays itself - which will probably be one of the main complaints leveraged against it. It won't keep people from buying it, oh, goodness no - they'll tell you this while they're playing. We've rather enjoyed it, ourselves. Spanning the gap between the Action RPG and an RTS, you can specify default behaviours for your characters which can obviate your presence altogether, provided you have someone to follow through the game. Gabe has actually gone and done chores while his lethal automaton and I plundered dungeons he might never see.

Wow, lots of talk in the forum about today's comic strip. I had no idea that furies see them selves as being so unfairly persecuted. I guess they get this kind of shit from people all the time. I can't imagine why. *cough*nakedanimalporn*cough* I did get some nice mails from people pointing me towards what they called "tasteful" furry art. It turned out to be a rabbit woman in a bikini, soaking wet. I guess she had just gone swimming or something. It's totally okay for you guys to draw that stuff. It's also totally okay for me to say I don't like it. I mean come on. When you draw a picture of a unicorn man screwing a gazelle chick on a rainbow in outer space you have to expect some people to be a bit turned off by it.

We are - collectively - in a miserable mood. Maybe someday we'll be able to discuss this year's problem in detail - but until then, please enjoy/endure our misanthropy. If you are wondering whether or not I'm speaking about you, ask yourself: Do I draw husky fox men with massive wing-wongs? Gabe may cast a wider net, but for me, that about covers it. TMNT falls under the documented "ninja" exception, as does Sanguine Productions' superlative Jadeclaw. Wishbone, on the other hand, is just disturbing.

Ya, so I guess the Marvel vs. Capcom 3 news story at the cafe today is a joke. I honestly don't think I will ever understand the whole April Fools day thing. Like Tycho said, most people are assholes most of the time. I see no reason to encourage them.

Holy hot damn there has been a lot of exciting news recently. I hardly know where to start.

It's one of the enduring mysteries of our age, today's comic only scratches the surface. And though broaching the subject publicly is probably going to bring the gravy train to a halt, it's a bizarre enough tale to warrant the telling.

Well I guess now we know what Microsoft employees do while they are at work. Apparently they surf the web for obscure Star Wars material. Monkey’s point here I think is that all this other weird shit is considered canon so I should accept JK2’s multiplayer. The problem is that, as usual Monkey has no fucking clue what he is talking about. I didn’t bring up canon because that is a slippery slope but since Monkey want's to talk about it lets do it right. There are many different levels of canon, from First level canon all the way down to what Monkey is speaking about here which would be considered apocrypha. First level canon would be items that fall directly under George’s vision for the Star Wars universe. This would include the movies and their respective special editions. Next you would have second, third and fourth levels. These include things like the original screen plays and the radio dramas of the films. After that you get into “official”. This is where the books, comics and some of the games come in. The original Dark Forces games and Jedi Knight when beaten with the light side of the force are considered “official”. After official we get all the shit licensed by Lucas Arts but not actually a part of official continuity. This is called apocrypha or just plain unofficial. It is easiest to think of this stuff as an alternate reality or existing in it’s own timeline. This is where you get crap like the cereal and the other junk Monkey brought up. Finally at the bottom of the list you have fan fiction. I am not certain but I assume the single player portion of the game is considered “official” canon. It would have been nice if the same care that was put into the SP game to make it fit in with the Star Wars universe had also been given to the MP. But instead we get a pretty standard multiplayer experience that only pays lip service to the license. I guess I was just hoping for more.