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Tycho / on Wed, Feb 9 2005 at 4:30 am

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On The Matter Of Gay Space Frogs

That was the longest we’ve been down, as opposed to merely inaccessible, for at least four years and I apologize for it.  Hopefully the warmth and well being that accompanies each Penny Arcade update will soon flow free of obstructions.  The move to the new equipment was one of the prerequisites for our new design, which has a much more efficient way of going about things.  So, that is the “sausage making” portion of today’s update.  Delectable.

The group that wanted to make an excellent, consuming Star Fox: Assault game and the group that wanted to make one that was trite and offensive to refined sensibilities simply could not arrive at any kind of consensus.  Thinking themselves imbued with the wisdom of Solomon, it was decided at an organizational coordinate higher than the conflict that both should be allowed to make their games, and they would be included on the same platter at retail, because all children are special and deserve love. 

It turns our that neither of those is true in an absolute sense.  Some babies are covered in chitin.  You can’t love a baby like that, not with the chitin on there.  Some babies are just a tangle of greasy black hair.  Wash it, and the “baby” disappears.  I think I’ve made my point.  Oh!  There is a baby out there who is basically just like Magic Shell poured on about six pounds of ground beef.

It’s one thing to hold a baby who is always a hideous freak.  It’s another thing altogether to hold and adorable baby with skin like warm cream who suddenly transforms itself into something completely fucking gross.  Because shit starts off right, on some classic Star Fox/Starblade/Panzer Dragoon type rail shooter activity.  You play three or so levels of something you think you could really settle into.  The irrepressible Slippy Toad has gotten himself into another scrape and it’s time to drop the hammer.  Then, like I’m being punished, like I haven’t washed the dishes or some shit they snatch it away and make me do stuff I would never have done otherwise.  To be frank, the portions of this game which are outside the Arwing belong to some game I would never purchase. 

There’s a tip right there in the name that I think is just too subtle for people - Star Fox.  To my mind, which is admittedly without refinement by a four year institution, that name conjures up the image of a fox in space.  The name itself does not suggest a fox inside a tank for example.  It does not suggest some joyless terrestrial caper that manages to incorporate a fox.

So, yes.

The Rogue shirts are up now.  Their flavor is rich.

(CW)TB out.

got a ticket for a midnight hanging


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